I can say he called me a whore and told me to leave. And that would be part of the truth. What I'm not telling you is; he said that after he found out I had slept with his brother.
In the retelling of our own histories, we can be whoever we want to be.
And today I feel like being the bad guy. I'll take all the blame. It was my fault. Everything.
When I was in the 2nd grade we moved, I had to change schools. At my new school I was having trouble making friends. Unbeknown to me, my mom would drive by during lunch and look for me on the school yard (the schoolyard was fully viewable from the street). She noticed that I was sitting by myself.
She asked everyday if I had made any new friends. I said no. One morning I said I didn't want to go to school. I started to cry. My sister had a similar problem when she was younger. My father had told her that not everyone had friends, so she should approach other kids that were by themselves. She did, and by her 6th grade year she had a bunch of misfits for friends. The leftovers.
I was crying and he told me the same sage advice.
I told him, "I don't want to be there friends either! They're gross!"
He said, "Well then you won't have any friends."
I said, "I don't want friends if I have to have those friends." and cried even more.
I wish I could say that my attitude has changed, that I've grown and learned. But that would be a lie.
A few years ago I was in a long-term relationship. We were hanging out all the time, we were best friends. We even talked about getting married. One night we were at a bookstore, I'm flipping through a book and he's in the magazine section. In my head I saw this complete life, the wedding, the kids, the 9-5 job, the house, the garage, the summer vacations and the family dinners. The retirement fund, the family photos, the anniversaries, game nights, birthdays- I saw everything that was possible if I stayed with him, and I didn't want any of it.
We broke up shortly afterwards.
Love your wonderful writing! Hope to see more!
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