Gum

He asked if I wanted a piece of gum. I said no. He asked again, I said no again. When he asked a third time I gently took the gum, unwrapped it and put it in my mouth. It was double mint gum. I told him I had to go. I drove home quickly, went into my bedroom and cried harder than I've cried in ten years.

My grandmother didn't like me.

She always carried double mint gum. Maybe 3 or 5 packs at a time, neatly held in the zipper compartment of her purse. I would always ask for a piece. She would split the stick of gum in half. She would put the other half back into her purse. She would give my sister a whole stick of gum. When I didn't ask why, she would say, "Don't you want to know why you aren't getting a whole stick of gum?"

I would shrug,

she would answer, "Because ladies don't ask."

I didn't know what this meant, I was just happy to have a piece of gum, even if it wasn't a whole piece.

When my sister and I would spend the night down my grandparents house, her main complaints about me were the following:

1. I didn't eat a whole meal in one sitting. I would eat half and then play and then go back to the meal. It would take maybe two hrs for me to eat a whole meal.

2. I was afraid of the dark, I had to sleep with the lights on.

3. I liked to be tucked in and read to, I couldn't fall asleep alone.

4. I was messy.

5. I refused to have my hair put in braids or a ponytail.

My grandma concluded that I was spoiled. I would spend the evening sitting quietly in front of a cold unfinished plate while my sister ate dessert.

My grandpa loved me. He would try and neutralize the situation. I would help him in the garden. While he pruned the trees I would gather earthworms. He would tell me stories about when he was young. I remember thinking it was funny that he had ever been a little boy. I would stay up and watch black and white movies with my grandpa. I would fall asleep on the couch. And even though I wasn't allowed dessert, he would sneak me candy when my grandmother wasn't looking.

Years later when he was dying in the hospital I stayed by his side. I slept in waiting rooms, I ate in the hospital cafeteria. My grandma told my mom that it wasn't appropriate for a young lady to be unsupervised over night at a hospital.

When my grandpa died I held onto his foot.

My mom and grandma were on either side, holding his hands. My sister was sobbing and holding onto my mother. I felt the pulse in his foot quicken and then slow, and then finally stop.

Before he was in the hospital I asked him if he was ever scared when he was in WWII, he said yes. I said, "Well...what did you do when you were scared?"

he said, "I was scared, I didn't know if I could move, but I did, I was scared as hell, but I moved, because even if you're scared you have to keep going forward."

When he told me this years ago I didn't understand what he meant. Now I understand.