Vodka Quiet.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be better."

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why won't you love me?"

"I tried. There isn't any reason why I shouldn't love you. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"I hate you." 

"I hope that's true. It would make tomorrow easier for you."

-----------------------------

It was quiet. It was getting quieter with each drink.
It was getting vodka quiet.

-----------------------------

"Did you ever love me? When did you love me?"

"I loved you when we would drive and you would hold my hand. I felt close with you. I loved you then."

"That's stupid, what is that? Who are you? What kind of person loves someone when they are driving!"

"You asked me, I tried to answer."

"No, no you didn't answer. You are a selfish bitch. What do you think love is? It isn't some abstract lofty idea, it isn't in any fucking book, it isn't found in anything intellectual, it's a feeling, a feeling. You still have feelings don't you? Don't answer that. I don't care. I don't care anymore. I am the best thing that will ever happen to you. You won't regret this now, but one day you will. I hope it fucking breaks your heart."

"There is nothing wrong with you."

"I know! of course I know that, I'm not the idiot. You are the idiot!"

"I know."

"You picked the perfect fucking time to tell me, I really wanted to see this movie and now I can't. Just because you aren't emotional doesn't mean you aren't feeling something. You aren't who I would ever see myself with. I'm glad it's over. You aren't even my type, I don't know why I ever asked you out in the first place."

"I'm sorry."

"No, you aren't. Don't say that. Because you aren't."

"I'm not sorry."


-------------------------------

Leaving takes a lot longer than it seems like it would.

-------------------------------

"Is this why you brought your own car? You knew this whole time you were going to pull this shit?"

"Yes."

"You are a fucking bitch."

"I'm leaving."

"You're not going to say anything else? Just leave?"

"Yes. I stopped having anything to say to you months ago. You just didn't notice."

"So fucking profound! You really think you're something special don't you? You're not different, you aren't special, you aren't "above" anything. What are you even doing with your life? You have no direction, nothing. You aren't anything, you're a fucking loser. And you know it."

"Bye. Take care."

----------------------

Vodka quiet.

I curl up on the couch. I play music loudly and get very drunk.


I'm not much, but I'm all I've got.