Women

I think sometimes when you smile a lot it almost seems like you're talking. It's the only thing people really respond to. At the end of the "conversation" when you haven't said much, but were interested in the conversation, when you've emphatically nodded your head and smiled reassuringly, they say you are a great listener. They don't even notice you didn't really contribute anything, you might have said, "yes" or "go on" but you weren't saying anything that meant anything. We can have entire relationships like this.

Whenever I feel too confident I remember I only write the word "restaurant" when I can check the spelling, because I always mess up the spelling. I also don't know anything about geography, sometimes I forget which hemisphere I live in. Sometimes I mispronounce words, this is a minefield and can happen at anytime, during any conversation. These little matters of fact leave me vulnerable and eternally humble. 

My favorite people in the world are men. I like women, but I never know what to talk with them about. A lot of women hate there ex-boyfriends, they can discriminate between different scents of candles, they watch reality television, they watch romantic comedies, they have children, they want children, they are married, they want to be married, they gossip, they talk about celebrities, they like shopping, they say one thing but mean something entirely different, they are passive aggressive, they hug, they talk about shoes, they talk about other peoples lives as if they were their own. Like when they talk about their children's achievements as their own, or their husband's money as their money. I don't get it, I don't like it. And I stay away from it. 

Sometimes I dream about having a female confidant. I imagine us going to the library and attending concerts. I think about us going running in the park and maybe buying things from an antique shop. I think about us drinking together and laughing. I imagine her helping me pick out a shade of lipstick or helping me select a vibrator. I imagine us flirting with guys at a bar. I'm sure she's out there, and maybe one day we'll meet and have a pillow fight in our panties and bras.