Begging

We had a conversation about your birthday. We made plans to have dinner this weekend. We said goodbye.

I never ask what I want to ask. 

I never say what I want to say. 

My fingers slide from one letter on the keyboard to the next. Tears fall on my chest. And I'm wondering if my music is too loud. I'm wondering if the neighbors will complain.

I want to ask you if you could ever love me. 

Could you ever love me? Even for a little while. Just for a few days or weeks. Do you think you could love me?

and then, when you don't answer right away, I want to beg.

Please love me. Not for very long or very much. I just need you to love me for a little while. 

But I won't ask. I won't beg. We'll have casual conversations and I'll be distant while you're distracted.